I have a bad habit of doing bad things to my body. I smoke cigars (among other things), drink beer and bourbon, eat red met, eat chips and other processed crap, drink soda, and love it. My body, however, does not. And every now and then it lets me know it’s time to take a [...]
Monthly Archives: October 2009
How to Clean Blinds
October 22, 2009 – 8:35 pm
Apparently, and for reasons unbeknownst to me, people absolutely detest the chore of cleaning blinds. I certainly don’t love the task, but I wouldn’t call it detestable. If you have to clean blinds, you have to clean blinds. It’s just one of those things. In fact, it can be kinda fun. Especially if they are dusty enough that [...]
How to Clean Plastic
October 22, 2009 – 5:45 pm
Plastic, invented in the mid 1800’s, has become part of our everyday lives. The stuff is absolutely everywhere. A person can’t even fart without having the fumes come into contact with something made of or with plastic. While in some ways I am morally opposed to plastic (the amount of time it takes for the [...]
How to Clean Walls
October 21, 2009 – 10:55 pm
I know a thing or two about how to clean walls. The two worst experiences I’ve had with dirty walls both occurred while I was renting apartments up in Bemidji MN. The first these, when we moved in, aside from having little nasty dirty hand prints all over hell, was also riddled with spit balls. I [...]
How to Clean Shoes
October 20, 2009 – 8:23 pm
I have some severe problems when it comes to shoes. I love them…way too much. I, without question, have way more shoes than my wife does. And I’m a guy. But hey, I’m proud of it. Shoes don’t just keep your feet nice and safe and comfortable, they also look good. And let me tell [...]
How to Clean Uggs
October 12, 2009 – 6:11 pm
I’m sending this one out to all the ladies in the house. Actually, screw that. Boys, this is for you too. Just because you have a penis doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the most comfortable foot ware on the face of the earth. As comfortable as they are, they do have one problem. They get [...]
How to Clean Glasses
October 12, 2009 – 5:00 pm
I have the hardest glasses in the world to keep clean. They have plastic lenses, little ridges that harbor facial oils and grime, and they attract dust like there’s no tomorrow. And since I’m not one to go to the optometrist very often, I’ve been wearing this same pair of glasses for about five years [...]
How to Clean a Dryer Vent
October 9, 2009 – 1:48 am
Dryer vent cleaning isn’t as glamorous as other household chores. Everything behind the dryer, including ducts and the vent itself, is completely out of sight. You won’t get a high five, a pat on the back or butt for your efforts. However, the time you invest just may save your record collection from a [...]
How to Clean a Dryer
October 9, 2009 – 1:47 am
I can’t wait to have children. That way I can blame them for the messes in the dryer. I won’t have to try to explain why I left crayons in my pocket…or what a 27-year-old man was doing with crayons in the first place. The dryer is sort of my domestic [...]
How to Clean a Bong
October 9, 2009 – 1:34 am
A few years ago, some college students in my state got into some trouble for holding up a sign that read, “Bong Hits for Jesus” at some small-town function. At the time, post- bong hit, I didn’t know if they they were taking bong hits in the Lord’s name or bong hits for the [...]