Passing around a dirty glass pipe is kind of like setting the table with soiled dishes. Sure, you may not mind eating your dinner with a fork that is caked with month-old Spagettios, but you may lose friends if you expect them to do the same. People let their glass pipes fall into a morbidly disgusting condition because resin is just plain hard to deal with, and most commercial cleaning solutions are either very expensive or…you’re just too lazy to go get it. Fear not, you’ve come to the right “tobacco” enthusiast. In my latest article, I demonstrate how to clean a glass pipe using everyday household items that are both safe and inexpensive. If you’ve just used your filthy pipe and reading proves a daunting task, no worries - my demonstration comes complete with pictures and bolded commands. In no more than twenty minutes’ time, you’ll be smoking from a clean glass pipe.
Author Archive for abjerk
Because I’m impossibly clumsy, and I understand that one can’t be taken seriously with a large splotch of coffee on one’s shirt, I have learned to clean stains, in all their various forms, on many different fabrics. When removing stains, there are a few things to keep in mind. First of all, with the exception of suede, getting to your stain quickly is crucial. I act swiftly by doing what the professionals do; I separate stains into categories depending on how they can be treated. After spilling ice cream on my new dress shirt, I leap into stain- cleaning action. I also keep a stain removal guide pinned up in my laundry room. If you have children, or you yourself are just plain awkward, you’ll benefit from reading my latest article on how to clean stains.
Suede is attractive and soft - soft enough to earn similes. For example, suede is as soft as Micheal Jordan’s jump shot…if he were made of melting butter. Suede is as soft as our former president’s grasp on the history of the Middle East. It is good that suede is attractive and soft, because it is a supreme hassle to clean. The part of the hide used and suede’s nappy finish make it far less resistant to stains and general filthiness than full-grade leather. You can’t throw just any old stain remover on suede; if you do, you’re bound to ruin it. There are tools and specific cleaners for suede, depending on your item’s particular finish. However, there are never any guarantees with suede, and so prevention is paramount. Read my latest article to learn how to clean suede safely by using the correct cleaners and tools.
So you’ve been turned down for a loan at every establishment in town, save for the rapacious, high interest affairs and the ones from the wise guys at the fish market, who offer suitcases full of cash. You’ve got bad credit, and it is killing your ability to buy a car, a home, insurance of any kind, or a mail order bride. Step away from the ledge, friend; there are many things you can do to raise your credit score and reclaim your financial future. The first thing you’ll need to do is stop the bleeding; put a halt on spending and budget to the penny. Next, you’ll need to learn the ins and outs of the FICO credit scoring system, how to find your credit score (actually free), and attack the entries that are keeping you in that rusted-out coffin on wheels. It won’t happen overnight, and anyone who promises that it will is most likely hell bent on taking your score even further into the abyss. You’ll have to be patient if you want clean credit, and that is what my lastest article is all about. Follow the link and you’ll find that learning how to clean credit isn’t impossible with a little patience and discipline.
As I have written in my article, the term mildew is actually plant mold, but popular usage of the term now refers to mold growing in moisture-prone areas of the home like bathrooms and basements. In my place, it was the bathroom. The mildew was present in the shower the day we bought the house, but other projects always seemed more dire. As I tried to get clean in the mornings, I would always wonder how I was going to clean the mildew. One such morning, the rubber lining around my shower fell onto my shoulders like a dead boa constrictor. That was my Pearl Harbor; war was finally declared. I turned to the tried and true staples in my green cleaning arsenal, and now I wonder why I just didn’t clean the mildew sooner. Well, it has excited my gag reflex for the last time. Read my latest article on how to clean mildew without resorting to products containing depleted uranium, as well as how to prevent mildew and deal with other mildew-related issues.
Last week I unearthed my wife’s Nintendo from a neglected pile of boxes untouched since we moved. I hooked it up only to be confronted with a blinking screen or garbled graphics. Since they haven’t seen any action in years, I decided it was time to clean our collection of NES games. Being a gamer of many years, handling the game cartridges invoked a deep sense of nostalgia. Back in the days of the cartridge consoles, you didn’t need to worry about disc scratches, what position the system is in, or any of the major malfunctions the modern toys are prone to. The process of cleaning a game cartridge is simple and the same whether you’re cleaning a game for the NES, the Super Nintendo, Sega Genesis, Nintendo 64, Game Boy…etc. Read my article on how to clean a game and relive those priceless gaming experiences. Let your Sega take you back to the days before prepubescent boys screamed racist and otherwise profoundly stupid things over the Internet.
Mold and I have a history. When I was in third grade, I developed acute allergies to mold and dust. I would wake up with splotchy red eyes, and a nasal cavity brimming with gelatinous ooze. I looked like an extra in a low-budget horror film. Neither my parents nor I really learned how to clean up the mold problem; rather, we focused on how to deal with my allergic reactions. Years of allergy treatments later, I’ve purchased my own home, and because it is ancient and I live in lake country, I have finally been forced to learn how to clean mold. I found mold in the walls, in the bathroom, and in the basement of my new home - and it was all very painful. But through my pain there is much to be learned - for example, what chemicals are practical, safe, and environmentally sound for a mold cleanup job. You’ll learn what items can be cleaned and which ones must be disposed of. There is also a good deal about mold prevention in the article, so if you suspect your house is being digested by a slime, or your nose won’t stop blathering on about the wall’s fancy new fur coat, you owe it to both of them to give my new article on how to clean mold a read.
When was a kid, I used to want to be a window washer - the kind that rappels like a ninja down sky scrapers. I loved washing our car windows with a squeegee while my father put on gas. There is power in a squeegee; as you glide it across a soapy glass surface, you feel slightly like a sorcerer… “I command you, be free and shiny.” Perhaps that’s just me. Anyhow, my dreams were dashed when I realized that (A) I had a desperate fear of heights and (B) window washers sometimes fall to their deaths. Though my career took another path, I still know how to use a squeegee better than most ninjas handle a bow staff. Read my latest article to learn how to clean glass using green household ingredients to clean windows, mirrors, and picture frames.
Cleaning windows isn’t a fun job; in fact, I really loath doing it and usually wait longer than the recommended six months between washings. When faced with the task, I try to give myself a mental boost by comparing it to extremely unsavory occupations. “Better to clean windows than wrangle sperm from a turkey,” I’ll say as I collect my gear. When I’m finished, I always marvel at the improved atmosphere, and wonder what took me so long. I’m lazy…that is the answer, but I’ve found that other people avoid cleaning windows for other reasons. One often-heard complaint is the sheer number of options out there; with aisles of cleaning solutions and a plethora of cleaning tools, people forget that they ever knew how to clean windows at all. In my latest article, I re-simplify this formerly simple task, outlining both how to make a green yet effective cleaning solution from household ingredients, as well as what tools are essential for the job.
I never knew the simple pleasure of wood floors growing up; however, I did become well acquainted with the displeasure of carpeting. Getting an occasional third-degree burn, seeing my dad’s wrathful vein surface across his temple as he eyed an awful stain, trying to extricate a sloppy pile of Golden Retriever feces from a carpet that was initially in no way brown - these are my fond memories of the stuff. The first thing I did when I moved was to expose the beautiful maple which once graced the home. After a few months of heavy traffic and sock-sliding competitions, I realized I didn’t know how to clean hardwood floors. To my surprise, it wasn’t at all difficult. I figured it would be a complex operation - that there wood be a tortuous yin to my floor’s charming yang. Sure, you may have to refinish now and then, but the normal upkeep of hardwood floors is an easy task. Read my latest article to learn how to clean hardwood floors quickly and safely.