A few years ago, some college students in my state got into some trouble for holding up a sign that read, “Bong Hits for Jesus” at some small-town function. At the time, post- bong hit, I didn’t know if they they were taking bong hits in the Lord’s name or bong hits for the Lord upon his return. Jesus did have long hair, wore sandals, and talked about peace and brotherhood. I’m sure he would have enjoyed a good toke now and again. Miracles don’t come without stress. I thought about presenting Jesus with my resin-caked bong. The marijuana would be worthy of Christ, but resin sludge isn’t for the King of Kings. You need a clean bong for a Jesus visit. While I’m sure the students with the sign were (A) mormons and (B) trying to rationalize taking that extra bong hit before class, I think we should keep our bongs at the ready for the Second Coming. Be prepared. Read my latest article on how to clean a bong or risk being cast down into the abyss.