How to Clean a Teddy Bear

Stuffed animals are fantastic. They comfort you when you're sad or sick, they keep you company when you're lonely, they don't ask much of you, and they are fantastic listeners. They make a great audience, they fear nothing, and they scare away the things that go bump in the night. Teddy bears are, of course, the bravest of their stuffed brethren, not just because they are bears, but because of their history. The teddy bear supposedly originated from a political cartoon: President Theodore Roosevelt refusing to shoot a baby bear. The bear from that point on took its name from President Roosevelt: Teddy. For several decades, the entire country went INSANE for teddy bears.

For this article, I will be using Grizzle—a teddy bear we purchased in 2001. Grizzle takes his name from a short story my roommate once wrote set in the Star Wars universe. The story wasn't particularly good, but the characters were a great deal of fun. The character of Grizzle was an Ewok with a penchant for powdered doughnuts. His fur was brown and black, but he was always mistaken for a dusky gray, as his love of the powdered pastry outweighed his desire to bathe regularly. Sadly, the teddy bear that came to be known as Grizzle never looked like the troublesome Ewok and only resembles him in personality. To date, Grizzle has never been washed.

Cleaning a Teddy Bear

Determining how to clean a teddy bear. The good news is most teddy bears come with instructions. A tag, usually in the region of the rump or legs, should indicate exactly how to clean your teddy bear. If you find said tag and the instructions are legible, disregard any further advice I have to give and follow those instructions. The best advice on how to clean a teddy bear will come from its manufacturers. If the bear has no such tag, or the tag is unreadable, use your best judgment. If the bear is delicate or the bear belongs to a particularly possessive or attached child, use a gentler means of cleaning the bear. In the picture, we see Grizzle mooning us in an effort to show that his manufacturer's tag is completely illegible. Guess I'll have to resort to my better judgment . . . we're doomed.

Deodorizing and sterilizing Teddy. Teddy bears are comforting creatures and they are relied upon heavily during a child's illness. Unfortunately, that can mean their soft cuddliness is infested with bacteria. One proposed method of sterilization is placing your furry friend in a plastic bag and putting him in the freezer for forty-two hours. This will kill just about everything living in the little fluffer's fur. After the bear has thawed, fill the bag with four tablespoons of baking soda and reseal the bag. Give the bag a hearty shake and let it sit so the baking soda can soak up any offensive odor. Using a vacuum with a hose and brush attachment, remove the bear from the bag and vacuum the baking soda off. Here we see Grizzle as he is about to embark on his Arctic adventure in the freezer. Given that he's naked, he does not seem terribly pleased with me.

"Dry" cleaning your teddy bear. If your teddy bear is particularly fragile or an antique, one method is the "dry" clean. This is not, in fact, dry, but at no point will you submerge Teddy under water. Take a clean, soft cloth (avoid colors as the dye may bleed into the bear and stain him) and dampen it. Gently rub the bear with the damp cloth all over his furry figure. If you have a concerned or interested child, allow them to assist you, proclaiming it bath time for Teddy. Emulate your child's bath time procedure as well, as it will be familiar (and therefore comforting) to them. In the picture, we see it is Grizzle's bath time and there is my son (being oh-so-helpful).

Wet wash. Okay, so assume your teddy bear is worse off than you'd originally imagined. There is one more technique before throwing the ill-fated bear into the washing machine: sponge bath. Only we won't be using a sponge. Fill a bowl with warm water. Add a squirt or two of mild, colorless liquid dish or hand soap. Mix gently, then procure a clean cloth rag, once again making certain that it is not colored so as to avoid unfortunate staining. Dip the rag into the mixture and gently wipe Teddy down top to bottom with the warm soapy water. Once you've cleaned him to your satisfaction, empty the bowl, rinse the rag, and then refill the bowl with just plain warm water. Dampen the rag and use it to wipe away the soapy water. In the picture, Grizzle is getting his well-deserved sponge bath.

The ever-dreaded machine wash. Don't worry. No teddy bears were harmed in the writing of this article. The machine wash is not for every teddy—only the hale, hearty, and poly-filled kind. In other words, if your teddy bear is an antique, particularly fragile, or a certain little someone's best friend, perhaps don't risk the machine wash. There are places that professionally clean antique stuffed animals. But, if you want to give it a shot, be my guest. Place Teddy in a pillowcase (again, choose a neutral color or a color similar to the bear's fur) and tie the pillowcase off so that the bear can't get free. Put the bear into the machine. Use a mild laundry detergent, cold water, and the gentlest cycle possible with minimal spinning. Then start her up. In this picture we see Grizzle bidding us his final farewell before embarking on his journey into the washing machine.

Drying your teddy bear. NEVER, EVER put Teddy in the clothes dryer. The best way for Teddy to dry off is to hang him in a cool, dry room with minimal humidity. Teddy may take a day or two to dry completely, but you'll want to make sure he is before returning him to his owner. It may be good to hang Teddy in a place where his owner can see him. In this picture we see Grizzle, clean and looking vaguely like a drowned rat, waiting to be dried.

Sometimes a Clean Teddy Bear is Just the Thing

And sometimes it isn't. Look, anthropomorphic personification aside, chances are if you have a teddy bear in your life, you also have someone who loves that teddy bear in your life as well—be it yourself, your child, or your spouse/significant other. And while the bear itself can't feel emotion or express itself verbally, the person who loves it can. Cleaning a teddy bear can change the basic form of the bear, making it look or smell different to that person, fundamentally changing it. So while cleaning it is often necessary, sometimes it's the worst thing you can do. Use your discretion.