How to Clean Money

This article will not be about how to clean coins. For that, check out How to Clean Coins where you will find lots of helpful hints about cleaning coinage. This article is going to be about how to clean paper money. I suppose I should mention that this method will really only work with U.S. dollar bills, I know nothing of other monies. Are you ready for this? How to clean paper money . . .

The short answer is you don't. If you have a paper bill that is particularly ratty or dirty, take it to the bank the next time you go and exchange it for a new one. Or spend it. So long as the face of the dead president is evident and the numeric indicator is present, it should spend, assuming it's not fake. BUT, if you want to try anyhow, the following is a method I've used in the past. A word of caution: While paper money is actually not paper but a paper-like cloth, it is still very fragile. If the bill is worn out and ratty, it may not survive the process I'm going to walk you through. You'd be better off taking it to the bank. If the bill is just dirty but its structural integrity is still in tact, read on.

Steps to Cleaning Money

Gather your money-cleaning materials. While cleaning money is not a difficult process, it is a tedious one, so the biggest thing you're gonna need is patience. Then, once you've gathered enough of that, go grab a bowl, dish detergent, two soft cloths (or a soft cloth and cotton swabs), a cutting board, and a large book. I recommend something with glossy pages like a textbook. I don't suggest something you intend to put out for when company comes, and you'll see why in a minute.

Create your cleaning solution and choose your workspace. Fill the bowl about halfway with warm water. Mix in your dish detergent. When selecting a detergent, you'll want to choose something that's less harsh (check out the sidebar for my recommendation). When you choose a workspace, choose a wide, flat, open space (such as a kitchen table) that will allow you to spread out your materials and gesture emphatically without knocking something over.

Start with the cleaning. Place your money in the middle of the cutting board. Dampen one of your cloths or the cotton swab in the cleaning solution and begin wiping down your money, starting at the middle and wiping out to beyond the edge. Do not press too hard and don't stop at the edge, as this will help prevent tearing. Do not scrub back and forth; once you've wiped outward, start in the middle again. Do this until you've wiped one side entirely several times before flipping the bill over and doing the same to the back.

Dry your money. Once you've finished cleaning your money, flip the cutting board over and grab your other cloth. Gently dry the paper money using the same motion as above: Start at the middle and move outward. Once again, don't scrub or press too hard lest you rip your bill. A cotton swab can work around the edges if the bill is too brittle to work over with the cloth. You can use a hair blow dryer on low heat if this isn't timely enough, but this WILL make your bills brittle.

Deface your textbook. Kidding! Just kidding. But this is the reason why you don't want to use your $100 photo essay books: Take your clean money (which will still be slightly damp, just 'cuz that's the way it goes) and place them in the book. Make sure they are entirely inside the book. You may want to write down the name of the book and take note of the page numbers in which you stuck the bills, for later retrieval. Leave them there for a day or so.

Leave them in your wallet. Another method that I've tried (usually by accident) is to leave the bills in your wallet and forget your wallet in your pocket when you run it through the clothes washer. It sucks for everything else in your wallet, but you can't deny that it works. I'm not advocating that you SHOULD do this, but if you must, here are a few tips on how to make it work: Use a cloth wallet; take everything out of said wallet; wash it either wrapped up in cloth or in the pocket of a pair pants; use an unscented, nonabrasive detergent (check out sidebar for that suggestion); and, lastly, wash on a gentle cycle. I should reiterate that this is NOT a recommended method for cleaning money.

Money Laundering is Bad

It's a felony, in fact. Using a front company or casino to funnel stolen money into circulation is both immoral and illegal, and I want no part in it . . .

Actually cleaning your money is not illegal. Harsh cleansers can remove the ink from your money, and even damage the bill itself, which can render it either unspendable or make it look counterfeit, which is very, very bad. Banks keep a careful eye on that sort of thing, and if they suspect any shenanigans, they can confiscate the bill without replacing it.